Today we drove past Millie’s pre-school. It wasn’t an “inspired” educational experience, just a regular old pre-school, in my humble estimation – and while she attended the school she never seemed particularly attached to it.  Millie said, “There is my old school.” And 10 seconds later she was in tears.

I reached behind me to hold her hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She replied, “Yes. I miss my school. I miss my friends.”

She tried to console herself with this thought,

“I’m happy that the 3 year old class gets to be the four year old class now.”

Oh, Mills!

W H Y?

WHY, school?

Why? Why? Why?

Anyway, we are back to it. Both of us. Because although you go walk into that big, brick building by yourself. And even though you are literally locked inside and I can only get in if the lady at the front desk “buzzes” me in – my whole heart goes in there with you. And I am just trying my darnedest not to project my stupid issues onto you. And yet…

And yet I see many of them playing out.

It stinks to be a sensitive human being and have to go to ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. It just does!

But we are being positive and making the most of it.

And most days it really isn’t that bad, right?

Right?

Let us recall the happy times….

On Labor Day, at your request we made a “back to school cake”

There is more to this cake than meets the eye, just like you, dearest Mills.

Inside all of us, to some extent or another, is A NEON RAINBOW! The trouble with school is that much of the time all we get to see of people is the boring, brown frosting. That brown frosting is the PROTECTION we place around ourselves.  It takes guts to let people see that you have green, and purple, and blue pulsing in your veins.

As we (you, dad and me)  sat down to a slice of your “back to school cake” we talked over the goals for this year – some were regular and some were lofty. In the deepest part of me I just want you to shine – not be the best or better than others, just have the confidence to let the world know you have NEON going on, baby! Because I think that when we let our truest selves shine, we give permission to others to cast off the BROWN frosting and let their NEON out too!

The day I have been dreading for the past five years came.

It came.

And you did it, beautifully.

The first day of kindergarten.

You came home full of enthusiasm, and gusto and we sat down together to our new family tradition!

After School HIGH TEA!

I like to think of this as our “reconnection ritual”. The flowers were just a bonus because I was so stink’n proud of you.

Then as I tucked you into bed (an already established connection ritual) the tears came. They came hard and fast. You cried for 30 solid minutes. I stroked your hand and listened. You asked me, “Mom, can you say a prayer with me.” You cried through the words that I know went straight to heaven. Then you asked for a blessing. There was your dad – with all his steadiness and love – at your side. He blessed you with peace. Then as I lay down next to you, you came up with a plan:

“When I feel scared I will just tell the teacher and ask her if I can stand next to her until I feel better.”

And with that thought you were fast asleep.

In the morning I wondered how you would be and you were 100% ready to go to school.

As if you’d never even been afraid.

I’m not saying that I fully understand all of this.

I’m saying that I love you and am signed up for the ride…

…lets just hope that part of the ride takes place in a “hot, hot convertible!”

(forget about part – let’s go for broke – and hope that most of it is in the car of our dreams!)

Is what I am after.

What on earth do I mean?

I’ll give you an idea:

I’d love to see my sister Betta wearing the dress pictured below, while sipping the perfect autumn drink,* from this restaurant, which is a combination of hot cider and butter, sitting out on my deck chatting to me while the leaves fall around her.

Am I nuts or what?!

(*don’t know the name of this drink, but I am craving it – I think it must be what J K Rowling was going for when she invented “Butter beer” – AJ, you had it went we ate there, do you remember the name of it? When your taste-buds return lets go and get one, deal?)

Last night, this person called me. She said I had been on her mind for a few days. I really needed to talk to her. She listened, I cried, I listened, we laughed…this went on for about two hours.

I love her more than I can say.

Thanks for being so good to me, C!

Remember my post about lockers?

And remember how I said I wanted to have guest lockers?

(How could you forget?!)

Well, without futher ado, I bring you…

Sam’s Locker

(please click to see larger and in all it’s glory)

Want to hear what I did right? I asked the right girl (artist extraordinaire & cool down to her socks) at the right time (when her newly-wed prince charming was out of town on business).

Sam is my sister-in-law and in true Sam fashion she has surpassed the first locker, being mine. I want to find out how she did hers (love the tilting pictures!) and I want to be more like her.

Enjoy her lovely locker…hopefully more will follow!

Thanks again, Sam!

This goes out to my bud who just had her tonsils out and who is currently laid-up.

I look this video yesterday of our babies playing tag (while she was under the knife).

I think it is so cute I can hardly stand it, types the doting mother. You will have to judge for yourself if you agree that two diaper clad (almost) two year olds sweetly chasing each other is as cute as I think it is.

If you listen carefully you can hear Drew say, “Hi, girls!” every time they round the corner.  And could you make out that Clara is saying, “I get you!”

I was DYING!

I hope this little ray of sunshine will aid you in your recovery process!

When you were in high school did you ever dance in front of your full length mirror – by yourself, with your sibs or girlfriends?
I did.
I did A LOT.
If I had studied Spanish the same amount of time I was dancing in front of the mirror I would be fluent – if you know what I’m saying.

Nowadays, thanks to modern technology, the mirror has become obsolete. Girls are still dancing – but things have changed.

Now we have photo booth – and boy am I grateful we do, because my sisters just sent me four little “films” of them dancing to songs and they made me feel like dancing in front of the mirror.

I ADORE these cutie-pies SO MUCH. Please just watch it long enough to see Tess do her unbeatable air guitar – and it might make you very happy to see Betta jump on the bed. It sure made me smile!

Don’t know what you make of all this, but it made our day here in Dawesome-ville we loved it. Check out Tess and Bette’s nieces responded.

We watched each video a couple of times then Millie said, “When I go to UT I’m going to jump on the bed with Bette and Tess.” And them they just couldn’t contain their enthusiasm or wait until the next visit to UT.

Remember your high school locker?

In our high school there were two sizes:  really small and skinny or big and fat. You had to wait until you were an upperclassman to get one of the fatty big ones. For the rest of the time you had to put up with the super skinny useless jobs – that you could barely get your books in and out of.

Humph!

I could hardly ever get mine open.

Every time as I stood in front of it a piece of me wondered,

“will I be able to open you”

& then I would cross my fingers and

HOPE.

I was just remembering my high school locker and the pictures I put up in it.

Oh, how I fretted over it – how I used it as a place of self expression, all the while wanting people to know WHO I WAS and being terrified that they wouldn’t get me and reject me.

(so glad these years are behind me)

I was also remembering that my mom told me that she had a picture of this guy in her high school locker…

PETER SELLERS!

You get why I feel the NEED to speak to this woman every. single. day.

right?

How many 17 year old girls had a picture of Peter Sellers in their locker?

My guess is NOT MANY.

Anyway, back to ME!

I was wondering what I would put up in my locker if I still had one.

So this is my locker as a 33 year old dame:

(click on it if you don’t want to see the squished version)

This isn’t perfect or even close to capturing everything that encompasses my current existence – remember, it is just my locker and it is just a little snap shot of what is going on in my life right now (miss-spelled words and all – the program wouldn’t let me go back and correct “extra curricular activities” for example).

Just don’t be surprised if I email you in the next little while and ask you to make “your locker” for me to post right here. I have been thinking that I need to shake things up around here and motivate myself to blog and I think OTHER people writing on it will be just the thing, she types right before she heads upstairs to take a nap.

Lazy blogger I may be but…

In defense of my nap I have just been watching five children for the past six hours on four hours of sleep the night before. If you do the math you will see why I am checking out. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to get over my insomnia?

Your advice is welcome here, as are your lockers — start thinking about this idea: What would be in my locker if I had one? You never know when I am going to hunt you down and ask you to spill it – right here all over dawesome land!

Till then, toodle pip!

I just came across these pictures that Jan took of Millie and her beloved dogie pal, Taco.

Taco isn’t the only one who got a treat! I feel like I got one too!

No doubt after all the man-handling that dog was put through he earned that there biscuit.

Ah, Taco! we miss you. The other day we were at Pet’s Mart (just for fun) and Millie wanted to buy you a dogie sweater. I was afraid that other Spring City dogs would mock you, but wondered if maybe your mommy Ada would look down from heaven and approve of a little sweater on you?

Perhaps come Christmas we could send you a package…

At any rate, we are thinking of you and missing you, old friend.

these girls!