Is never done.

Never.

(hence, the lack of posts)

Tonight, after I put my kids to bed, I hear footsteps.

“Clara! Go back to bed.”

Then Ellis starts to cry.

My arms full of baby boy,

I hear footsteps again.

“Mom. I’m not sleepy.”

I give in.

(When it is two against one I become a “spineless jelly” and my resolve turns to mush.)

After putting Ellis back in his crib,

When I get back to my bed

this is the sight that greets me,

It’s a good thing kids are so stinking cute otherwise I don’t know how I could do this job.

It’s HARD, yo!

Today this darling little girl gave me joy, stress, frustration, happiness, laughs – all in one short day. When she came home from preschool she showed me a picture she’d worked on of a squirrel and two acorns and explained to me that it was me, “A squirrel and two coconuts.”

I love this kid.

And finally,

She sleeps!

I hope she has sweet dreams

&

I hope you do too!

P.S. & BTW, I LOVE the song by Kate Bush “This Woman’s Work” (I’m listening to it now.) Jan’s out of town so I don’t know how to link to it. You’ll have to trust me, it’s a treat for the ears. Actually, Kate Bush has a kinda funny voice, but the song is so dramatic. I likes me some drama. Must be why I like this kid so much — she is FULL of it, drama, that is.

10 years.

It’s hard to believe it has been 10 years since those towers came down.

It was as though our whole world came crashing down around us when they fell.

I was with my best friend Randall. I held her new born baby in my arms as we watched, in disbelief, as they came down. Her husband had just started law school, he was at class — but I remember how she ran to him when he got home – the image of them embracing on their front steps will always stay with me.

It happened about two weeks before I was set to go to London to pursue a master’s degree.

I was so shaken that I actually considered NOT going.

I did go.

When my mom dropped me off at JFK airport it felt like we were in some ghost town. There was practically nobody there. Fear was so pervasive the air seemed to be thick with it, as though it was actually palpable. My mom wasn’t even allowed to stand next to me on line when I checked my luggage.

I remember walking off the airplane and seeing the newspaper headlines “WAR IMMINENT”

And two days after arriving in the UK, as the world seemed to be holding it’s breath,

for the first time in this life

I clapped eyes on

the man

who would become my whole world.

11 months after first seeing him we were married.

Rumi wrote, “Move within. But don’t move the way fear makes you move.”

For me personally, September 11th can be summed up in the scripture which reads,

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

As you and I face the challenges of these times in which we live, I want to always remember to never let fear dictate my inner movement. I don’t like to think what my life would be today if I had been too afraid to live my dreams, even in the midst of chaos and darkness.

Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

As Dickens wrote,

“Hope.

There’s always,

hope.”

Always!

Photo by Jan Dawson

It’s because I just watched “Days of Heaven.”

It made me feel, well,

weird.

It was beautifully shot and I guess it was a ground breaking film but it made me feel

weird.

It’s a story about a creepy love triangle and all the people are beautiful but they are sad.

They don’t have real love & they don’t have

family

(the BEST thing in the whole world)

I thought it was interesting and I know it is artsy and beautiful, and I think I am supposed to be blown away, but I’m not.

You see, when I watch a movie ideally I want to feel like

BOUNCING

when it’s over.

(and when I say BOUNCING I mean “boing. boing. yippie. love. truth. beauty. etc. etc. etc.”)

You know what almost always makes me feel like bouncing?

Tess & Betta

Just look at ’em! Are they not darling?!

I love them so much!

SO MUCH!

When we were in UT they helped me so dang much.

They watched my kids and loved them and played with them and laughed with them….

just thinking about it makes me want to

CRY

for

JOY.

I just wanted to say that they are the best

&

thinking about them has taken away the

weird

feeling away

&

replaced it with a

BOUNCING

sorta feeling.

(this post* about my brother, written by his darling wife has also added to the BOUNCING feeling)

I love my family.

*dang, it’s on my google reader but not on her blog. when it shows up on the blog I will link to it. Sorry to leave you in suspense dearest readers.

There is this wonderful website called FOXTONS.CO.UK. It is a fancy shmancy real estate agency based in London. Their website is so cool because you can see inside some of the most upscale pads in London. (You can also find quite ordinary, run of the mill places too, in case you were curious).

The other day I came across one of the coolest places I’ve ever seen (and I have spend A LOT of time on this website, so you can trust me, friends, this is a find.)

Check out this house,

in a little neighborhood of London called,

St. Johns Wood.

For a mere $57,000.00 PER MONTH

she’s all ours!

Isn’t this fun? Are you enjoying this as much as I am!?

This bed room is killing me, I love it SO much.

I love this walk in closet. Perfection!

I love the neighbor’s house too!

Today to celebrate we went into the city.

Ate lunch at San Marzano.

Dessert at DT Works

Play at Rockefeller Park

Oh, and a shake from the Shack for the ride home.

good. times.

My (gigantic) baby brother just started his freshman year at Snow College.

(he’s the kid on the far left)

I came across this photo of him from when he really was a little kid – not a little kid disguised in a grown-up man’s body.

This photo says it all.

He’s a love.

We were all together before he left for school and the night before he left my sister-in-law, Sam got the fam together to do some creative painting on poster boards. Everyone painted something for Parker to hang on his dorm room wall. I didn’t participate because at the precise moment when everyone was painting I was having a little breakdown and needed to escape. (I’d been sharing one room with my three children for three weeks and sharing one working shower with 15 other people (who I love dearly)…but you get WHY I needed to get away, I hope.)

I was sad not to have made some art for Parker to hang on the wall, but determined, in my heart, that I would make him something on my blog.

I thought about what I would do to honor him and decided that I would like to document a certain aspect of my brother’s life for posterity.

A few years ago my brother became a rapper.

A rapping WONDER!

He started a band called Prime Time Real Estate.

It’s awesome.

They even won the battle of the bands, just saying.

(here they are performing at Muse)

(I took this photo while we were at Muse. No band members appear in it, but still a cool photo.)

While we were staying in Utah I got the chance to see him perform twice.

Once at Muse and once at Velour. Velour is the more established venue and it was a pretty big deal that his band was asked to play there. Plus, the chicks dig him, again, just saying.

So, get this, my hipster little brother wrote a rap for me. It is special to me because it comes from him, and I have never been the subject of a rap before. (I’m trying to be coy here, but the truth is that I asked him to write a rap for me. That’s a little un-cool, but the coolness of the rap makes up for the fact that I basically begged him to do it.)

go here

if you would like to hear it.

Also, if you are interested in a WILD RIDE, feel free to visit his blog. I assure you that there is no other blog quite like it. Parker is an original.

He’s not just a cool guy, he is a deep, thoughtful, hilarious, wonderful guy.

And I love him!

Right down to his socks!!

Millie has a back to school list of supplies – a very straightforward list consisting of things like crayons, markers, glue sticks and a pencil case etc.

It sounds so simple, right?

Ah, but this is when being me STINKS.

I have to complicate things by finding Millie a WONDERFUL pencil case. I want it to be sweet and magical.

(Why?!, you may be asking, and rightly so. Well, you see, it is because her mom is ME and for some bizarre reason I CARE!)

And because we live in this crazy world I can actually get her one.

I give you,

www.coolpencilcase.com

That’s right, you read that correctly “COOL PENCIL CASE dot com” – an entire website dedicated to pencil cases!

Feast your eyes on these bad boys!

This first one has a storage compartment with little balls inside and then the back flips up and reveals a mini basket ball standard. A kid’s dream and a teacher’s nightmare!

This one has 7 different buttons and each one does something different. One button sharpens your pencil and one button opens a secret compartment. I mean, come on! This is is the pencil case that Dash from the Incredibles would have. I want one for me!

This one is more simple (no whistles and bells) but it certainly warms the cockles of my little heart. Doesn’t it make you want to “meow”?

And if you have the ultimate pencil case, then you need to have pencils WORTHY of it, no? So, how about a mechanical pencil that has a teddy bear on top of it that eats doughnuts. Sure! Why not!?!

Don’t forget ADORABLE erasers. I’ll take the cake ones on the left that smell of strawberries, thankyouverymuch.

What a world, what a world!

I know, it’s sick and wrong.

And I am going to have a blast picking one of these out with Millie tomorrow!