A year late – but better late than never, so they say. Last year, I wrote this letter to Clara on her birthday and planned to create one of my fabulous slide shows for her…but it took me until a week after her second birthday to actually put the slide show together.

It’s cool because now there is just one more year of Clara to celebrate, no?

So, without further ado, that letter and that slide show await!

*****

My Green Eyed Girl,

Today you are one. You were born on your dad’s birthday but God sent you here with green eyes, like your mom’s.

You have given us a whole year of you. And you are wonderful (or should I say, “one-derful”? Hardy, har, har. It’s my blog so I can be as corny as I want).

After your beautiful older sister was born I faced one of the darkest times I have ever known. (May you and your sister never know such darkness.) Your sister was a delight, she was a ray of hope in my life that was all of a sudden, out of nowhere, shrouded in painful darkness.  Right now you don’t notice, but one day you’ll wonder why there is a bit of a gap between you and your sis. It took me time to muster up the courage to get you here. Your sister came at such a heavy price, I was scared – yup, your mom was really and truly scared- that the same price might have to be paid for you.

If I could have held your soft body next to mine, heard your voice and seen those green eyes I would have been braver sooner.

But there was only the vague promise of your sweetness and an 80 percent chance of having to face that awful, awful darkness again.

I took me some time but eventually I took the chance.

You would be worth whatever was asked.

I stepped off into the abyss…

And on the other side of all my apprehension,

was

Y O U.

Unimaginably sweet little you.

And you are a treasure to me. How I love you. Oh, how I love you!

Your name means light.

I did everything in my power to avoid that darkness – and after all I did to keep it at bay – it came.

But only for a brief moment (darkness, prepare to meet ZOLOFT, ha, HA!) I was ready for it this time and after all I did to fight it, God was merciful. I know he tempered things. And for his mercy I will forever be grateful.

Not darkness, but light.

A little bundle of clarity wrapped in a hospital issue blanket.

My Clara Jane.

My green-eyed girl.

I love you.

Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mom