Last night was brutal. I was up more times than I can count with Clara.
At 4:30 I was suffering a sleepless rage.
I was so tired I was a little crazy.
I really wanted to scream.
But I didn’t.
Clara did though, plenty.
I just shut the door and walked out of the room.
She screamed for a solid hour as I sat outside trying not to hear her.
At 6:30 I told Jan that I was going to go on a bike ride.
I charged out the door and jumped on my crappy rented bike. Still wearing my pjs with my iPhone in my pocket.
As I petaled along, wind practically BLOWING me over, my head started to clear. I looked over my shoulder and could see the sun was rising. The thought that came to my mind was, “take the gift”. Is that weird? It was the feeling that I had. So I parked my bike
and walked onto the beach.
I walked along the ocean for a little while. Then sat down in the sand and opened my scriptures to John chapter 6.
I love the book of John so much. As I read about the Savior feeding the multitude I was struck by a few things – Jesus always had a bunch of people NEEDING something from him. I kind of understand that feeling. That must have been so tiring. I have a multitude of two and I have to flee from them on a semi-regular basis. How did he do it?
I just felt so much love for him.
The other thing that struck me as I sat by the ocean was the Lord’s massive abundance – after he fed 5,000 plus people from a few loaves of bread a fish there were still 12 baskets of leftovers. Last night I listened to Jan explain to Millie what coveting is and why God doesn’t want us to do it. As I sat by his ocean and thought about ALL he has given us and ALL that he has I get a little more why it is so STUPID to covet. There is enough and to spare – and to spare.
I was so glad that I got out of the little dark room where I felt trapped and tired – came out to the ocean and drank in the Lord’s abundant goodness – as manifest in his glorious creations.
My spirit really needed this.
My spirit need this so that I could go back to my little multitude and do this –
all over North Carolina
Today we went to the aquarium, a beautiful garden and a sleepy little southern town.
And Kitty Hawk.
It wiped us right out.
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Hi. Love following your travels. It does seem counterintuitive, but when we were leaving our apartment in Brooklyn, the only sad thing that came to mind is that I was leaving the place where I had suffered through Dalloway’s colic. Those experiences make places sacred. Glad you found some time to yourself!
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:58 pm
whew. What a great insight on the Savior and how he must have felt always being needed. I’ve never thought of it that way before but I should do it more often! Thanks for the sweet reminder!
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:52 am
lize you simply are the best.
September 3rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I’m feeling tired and I got a multitude of zero! Unless you count Ben. Last night I was so exhausted. It was day three of school and day one of a three day fruit fast (I know, I’m a silly, silly girl). Wearily, I started pulling out some pasta to cook for the Ben-ja-man when he comes over and says, “You know, I’m fine eating taco salad again.” I say, “Really?” “Oh yah,” he says. He then proceeds to make himself a taco salad and while he’s putting the lettuce bits on the top he says, “This lettuce has lasted forever. I’ve used it now atleast four or five times.” “For taco salad?” I ask. “Yup,” he says cheerfully.
So, I guess I should uncount Ben and instead thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a kind, patient husband.
Thanks for your insights, Lize. They’re so important. Even for us multidude-less.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I’m with Zina.
Thank you for sharing…for letting your light shine.
Good stuff.