Jan’s brother Kai was handsome, intelligent, charming, he loved a good debate, enjoyed acting, mastered a unicycle and lived life to the fullest.

I never knew him. When he was 21 he died in a tragic accident not long after this picture was taken.

A few months ago Jan told Millie all about Kai. She listened very carefully to the story of his life and ever since that moment, when she discovered she had a “new uncle”, some kind of a connection was forged between them.

She talks about him all the time. She wants to know about him. Out of the blue she will say to me, “You know what, Mom? I love Uncle Kai.” When we called her grandma Gitte today she whispered to me, “Mom, can I ask Granny about Kai?”  In February on the anniversary of his death I spoke to her about what a hard time it was for her Granny & Pappa and for her Daddy. She was concerned that they would be sad and wanted to understand why. When I told her it was because they were missing Kai. This is the exchange we had. 

Sunday came. That morning  Jan went over her talk with her. She knew it by heart.

When she stood at the podium she became nervous and she looked at me with a little fear in her eyes. I whispered the story in her ear and she repeated an account of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. But when the moment came for her to talk about Kai something shifted.

We’d brought a picture of Kai with us so that she could show all her primary buddies her uncle. I handed her his picture and all of the sudden she was completely confident and at ease. She spoke from her heart,  no promptings from mom. Just a heartfelt expression of the love she feels for her uncle Kai. And her testimony that she will see him again.

When she finished several people had tears in their eyes.

I wonder if this is what Robert George meant when he said, “the truth is luminous”.

O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have
the doting
fingers of
prurient philosophers
pinched
and
poked
thee
has the naughty thumb
of science
prodded
thy
beauty

how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy knees
squeezing and
buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods
(but
true
to the incomparable
couch of death
thy rhythmic lover

thou answerest
them only with
spring)

Spring time always makes me want to read E.E. Cummings. So here’s a little Edward Estlin on me, my friends.

This morning when I met my pal Emily to go running she had a few extra things that she had to do in doors, while I was waiting for her I noticed a gorgeous tree in her yard. It was radiating happiness. I walked over to it so that I could enjoy it more fully.  I stood amidst some of it’s low lying branches to feel it’s embrace. The branches were heavy with  white buds that were tipped with pink — just waiting to burst open. I drank  in the spirit of that beautiful tree and told it I thought it was doing a great job. I said a prayer of gratitude for the lovely morning.  My tet a tet with a tree lasted maybe two minutes but it filled me with an ocean worth of happiness. (And if you’re wondering I, like the Native American’s, believe that all living things have spirits – including my friend’s tree – judge me if you feel so inclined, but try it and you’ll see! Those three hugger peeps are on to something!)

Thank you for Spring, Heavenly Father! I do love it!  Oh, and for sending inspiration to the heart of a poet, who in turn, helps give voice to the feelings of wonder in our hearts.

And thank you Jan for capturing it on film. oxoxo!

I should have know, I mean really I should have known that it would shape up to be a two kit-kat* day.

It started innocently.  Millie has a friend named Mia. Mia’s mom just had a baby and I really like Mia’s mom. So first chance that presented itself I had Mia over for a play date and told Margie, Mia’s mom, that I would bring them dinner that very night.

It was going well. I put the dinner together (a summer chicken salad, some brie and filo hors d’ oeuvres** a la Cafe Johnsonia, rolls, and homemade chocolate ice cream- that was originally going to be mousse, but it didn’t quite work out – I mention this just to make clear that I was not taking over a pan of Costco lasagna, I was working my butt off) while simultaneously making lunch for Millie and Mia. Clara, bless her heart, slept.It was tricky, but I was managing.

Then it started to unravel…

Mia had an”accident” and peed on the stairs.

While cleaning up the accident the baby woke up and just wanted to be held.

Millie and Mia had a fight over a penny – which ended sweetly, Millie, still crying told Mia, “I still love you. You can still come to my birthday party.” Ahh!

Then just as we were going to leave and I was packing up their dinner I went up stairs to find that Millie and Mia had taken water and dumped it all over her bed room. On the carpet, on the blankets, everywhere – all in an effort to wash Millie’s elephant, who was also drenched. The room smelled like wet dog. It was stinky. Very stinky.

As I was leaving the house with three little girls in tow I ran to the kitchen, opened the cookie jar and grabbed a kit-kat. Jan came up to see what was going on and caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

“This is my version of a drink. And I really need one!” I told him.

When I got home from dropping Mia home I went straight to the kitchen for another kit-kat.

No photos for this entry, I’m afraid. I was too busy mopping up pee off the stairs and water from Millie’s room.

(*Not just any kit-kat, and English kit-kat – and those of you who have eaten an English kit-kat know that there are few things in the world as yummy.)

(** how the heck do you spell that?!)

As many of you will know it was Opening Day at the new Yankee Stadium on the 16th of April.

Jan and Ian can tell you all about it.

If you want to know what un-diluted, pure happiness looks like – just check out their faces. (And this was despite the score Indians 10, Yanks 2)

Well here in our quaint town of Madison, NJ we celebrated opening day for our little league.

It was stink’n awesome.

The boys and girls paraded through our main street. It was the only parade I have been to where the people in the parade who throw the candy are also the ones who grab up the candy. Riddle me that one, if you can.

We had great, curb side seats (as in right on the curb) where we cheered on some of Madison’s finest sons, Porter and Braxton Rich. Their lovely mother, Emily, is seated beside me, in her lap is my future son-in-law, Hudson Jack Rich. (He likes the middle name mentioned, thankyouverymuch.)

Afterwords we headed home to play a little ball of our own.

Clara was more of a spectator.

Millie took time out from playing to give the camera some “attitude”

Eno, does this one slay you as much as it does me?! Check out that sisterly affection while wearing the world’s greatest baseball team logo.

Jan doesn’t need any sons to fulfill his baseball needs…

And yes, I was there too

That is my little horn and yes, I am going to “toot” it. So if you want to skip me congratulating myself for being a rock star mom don’t read on.

You’ve been warned.

Every once and awhile I just have to take a step back and say, “Way to go, champ!” And this was one of those times.

Millie was needing a new something to do. I think she’d already taken two baths, watched a show and played with her toys. Invariably the next thing that comes is the question, “what else is there to do mom?”

And then it hit me! Months ago I had bought a book and hid it on top of my wardrobe (a long with a few other goodies that I had forgotten about – hello, can someone say birthday presents!)

It was one of those Klutz books that had these awesome body crayons.

Behold!

In case you are wondering that is a chicken. You’re seeing it now, right?

A classic. Thumb and index finger make the perfect mouth, would you agree?

Here we have Bellybutton lady. I think she’s got attitude.

Millie wanted a piggy on her right knee and a cow on her left.

And it all washed off in the bath tub. No scrubbing required. But something went horribly wrong with Millie’s eyes…

3rd bath is the charm, they say.

P.S.

Jan

said

this

one

was

too

saucy

for our flickr page….

I was in rock star mode after all, and you know how rock stars can be.

wink, wink!

I think the toys might be plotting

And I think that just maybe Tico is the ring leader

Oh, it is Tico alright!

Dear Grandma,

I miss you. I wish you were around to have bananas and coke with me (I drink diet now and usually skip the banana) and share a good laugh. Or I’d just love to rest my head on your shoulder and fall asleep. Or take you out to Chinese – we’d have to go into the city because I haven’t found any decent places here in Jersey. I’d pick you up in Jan’s car because his car has a sun roof and you could wear your dark sun glasses and we could drive fast because I know if a cop were to pull us over somehow you’d manage to get us out of the ticket.

The other day I was wishing you were here to hang out with me and my girls. I missed you so much that I look my powder puff and smelled it because when I was little you were the only one I knew who had one, so I will forever associate a powder puff with you.  That smell, the smell of a powder puff saturated in makeup is the closest I can get to you (unless you aren’t occupied with heavenly duties and feel like visiting me).  You had one and so did all those 1940’s actresses who would pull out their compacts and powder puff while at a party. They were dressed in silky, form fitting dresses and they looked perfect . To me you were all glam, Grandma. You were Claudette Colbert. My mom didn’t have a powder puff. Only you did. And if you did anything it was bona fide. It was special.

Something happened that made me miss you more than ever.

This…

Millie put on the dress you bought for me when I was her age.

Oh, Grandma Lil – how I loved that dress. It made me feel like I was one of those 1940’s glamour girls (only more 1980’s/Barbara Mandrel). I don’t remember much about Primary, but I remember sitting in that dress and feeling like a million bucks. I loved how the sleeves would allow my shoulders to peek through every once and a while. I loved how it almost touched the ground. I loved the little fake pearl buttons, I didn’t know they were fake at the time.

Millie loves it too.

Thanks, Grandma.

I love you!

Love,

The Dawsons

That for one breath of half breath I belong to myself?

As much as the pen knows what it is writing

Or the ball can guess where it is going next

— Rumi

Oh, Rumi – you took the words right out of my mouth.