Me: Hello?

Me: Oh, hi!

Barbara: I am just calling to tell you about my new line of rugs.

Me: Oh, that is so kind of you Barbara, but I think it would be better if you just kept them to yourself.

Barbara: But I can’t darling! I know you. I know your taste. You are going to L O V E  these!

Me: I beg of you, don’t show them to me.

Barbara: You’re so cute, Liza – when you play hard to get.

Me: Your cute too, Barbara.

Us: Giggle, giggle.

Barbara: Where was I?

Me: You were telling me all about your ugly St. Bernard.

Barbara: I don’t have a St. Bernard.

Me: Oh, well I had better go!

Barbara: NO, I wanted to show you my NEW rugs.

Me: (whimpering) Please don’t do this to me…

Barbara: Here they are, you little cutie!

Me: OOOOOOO! That is so nice!

Barbara: And check this one out, honey. This would be perfect in your breakfast room.

Me: You are so right! How much is it?

Barbara: Oh, I think it is around a bazillion dollars.

Me: Right.

Barbara: When I made this one I was actually channeling your essence.

Me: How do you do it?

Barbara: I have got your number, my friend.

Me: WOW! So that is what is going on. Could you do me one favor?

Barbara: Anything.

Me: PLEASE, STOP CALLING!